I must admit this “Mothering Series” is something that I thought about for years. It wasn’t until maybe 2 years ago that I put pen to paper, so to speak, and began to gather my thoughts. The surprising thing was how nervous I was about hitting the ‘publish’ button.
There are so many things I have written about, that were incredibly raw and personal. Over time I started to wonder if I would ever stop hovering and click my works out to the interwebs.
Which is comical because there aren’t that many people that read this and even less that comment. So, what am I afraid of?
Well, let me tell you, there is one person who always reads them: Gil. Yeah, you know him, the hubs. He’s the nice guy that everyone loves. The reserved, yet personable guy that throws witty zingers across a room. Everyone remembers him, even if they never see him again. I love him, but there are days that we have a hard time connecting. Which is a foreign concept for us.
Before kids I didn’t think there was anything that would break us, not even a crack. Absolutely nothing that could give a flicker of doubt that we wouldn’t be in our 90’s talking about “the good ‘ole days.”
Then, we stopped talking.
It was hard and I don’t even remember it happening. I do remember how frustrated, alone and isolating it felt. Being a parent, who mostly stays at home with really small kids is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t feel good at any of it; work, wife, or parent.
Don’t feel bad for me, though, most everyone feels this. It’s something we all have to work out when adjusting to babies and toddlers, otherwise known as the little messes that get you sick at every turn and scream at you just for looking at them. However, they are kids who need and want their parents. We are so special to them. Though living up to that task, every day, is harder than it looks.
I stopped having time and energy for our marriage.
Becoming overwhelmed is easy to do.
Yet, I’m happy to tell you that today, we are better. Much better. The swift touches, as you pass by, have come back. The little compliments have snuck back in our daily routine. And we look at each other more.
Having a baby changes you. As a woman it changes your chemical make up. This is something I wasn’t aware of and it’s the most insidious aspect I had to conquer. The fact that you will never go back to the way you were before is a tough pill to swallow, but settling into a new me is something I feel a good about, now.
We were lucky and didn’t have to work at our relationship, for a long time. They say marriage is a full-time job, for the rest of your life. It’s something I get, now.
Almost six years of marriage or 10 years of being together is monumentous, for me. I can’t imagine life without him. I feel lucky to have him as my partner, even luckier that he chose me (though it could have been that I wouldn’t let go and he was ok with it).
Which leads me to the title of this blog post: Noah and Allie. Did you ever see (or read) The Notebook? If not, you should; read the book, then see the movie. It’s a love story to end all love stories. Good, ugly cry, type of thing and worth it.
I strive to be like them. Having the heart crushing love they have is worth the hard work.
Plus, have I mentioned how much the kids love him. Of course I have, I could I wax poetic about how great he is with them. They adore him, as they should.
In life, times get hard, I realize you can’t control them. At this point, after all we have overcome, I’m confident in saying we can make it through them. We have two amazing kids and we have each other. We just need to remember how it all started, how easy it was to love one another, and we will persevere.
I will conclude in saying, “We love you, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I love you most.”