Part Two: Are you ready?
This one is about being a Momma of two. Not just two, but two humans that are born so close in age that you never get out of the rough times to enjoy #2 as much as you love them.
In my head, it’s a lucky thing that my #2 is a different gender and that he will always be my last baby; because, he doesn’t get as much of my undivided attention that LL did as a newborn and toddler, or really, in general. He doesn’t get all my patience to become who he’s supposed to be. Neither one of them get all of me. It’s just a fact and I feel guilty.
I had a newborn and a two year old. Those ages are beyond exhausting and demanding. When I was the mother of one, I found ways to make life work. Managed my time well enough to feel like I was giving her an acceptable amount of myself, not to fall apart. Still, I found joy in every moment even though I was living second-by-second.
Once number two was here I never caught up. We are two years into two children and I still don’t know when I will recover. My poor husband; I haven’t felt enough like myself, in the last two years, to even consider what we need, to be us.
These are the things that happen. This is life. I’m not complaining.
I’m just admitting that some days, I wonder, if my dream is ever going to be what I imagined it to be.